I have had a trial or 2 in my life. I have been tempted to question if God even cared for me. I have even been tempted to consider was God even real? Not only is the struggle real, but God is very real. He is my saving grace when there are no answers.
Sarah Grace Caldwell born 08/09/01. Barely 4 months old and diagnosed with A.L.L. (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia). After the initial shock, the struggle set in. The why’s bombarded me day and night. God and I wrestled a long time and I finally picked up my bible and said explain yourself, explain this to me! Tell me why this is right or good or fair! Heal my daughter! Then He gave an answer I didn’t want to hear, “no”. Hard to choke down through tears and despair, but none the less an answer. I turned to Job and began to read. Job was a good man, a just man and he lost everything. Just as God restored Job He continues to restore me. God knows pain. He reminded me that life is not fair and that He loves Sarah just as much as I do. Just as we make decisions daily for our children, not always to their liking but in the end we do what’s best for them. God will ALWAYS do what’s best for us. I had to cling to that truth. “And we know that all things work together for good to those that love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.
I know now that God did what was best for Sarah. He did heal her, but He had to take her home to do it. I must live my truth and stay strong in my faith. Either he is my LORD or he is not. Yes, I lost a child. Yes, I suffered trials, but I was never alone. He never left me nor has He forsaken me. I felt his presence with me as I struggled. God is love. He loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life John 3:16. I will continue to heal and God will continue to work a good work in me. My circle is temporarily separated, but God will restore it to fullness of life in glory. I don’t know your struggles, but I know a God who will walk with you through the fiery trials of life.